A (slightly vulgar) Mother's Day Tribute by Nat

It all started with conception
And Dad had to help too;
when two cute gametes made a connection,
and you thought you had the flu.

But it was ME who made you sick
And fat, and tired, and grumpy.
Then nine months later, I shot out
And you got much less lumpy.

Thank you, Mom, for all you've done,
For putting up with me.
Now a parent myself, I've learned how it feels
To ALWAYS have to pee!

They say childbirth is like taking your lip
and stretching it over your head.
Funny how this miracle starts AND ends
Spread eagle in a bed!

Pubic Lice Song; The Sound of Vanereal Disease

Pubic Lice 
(to the tune of Edelweiss; Sound of Music)
(NOT biographical!)

Pubic Lice,
Pubic Lice,
Every morning you wake me.

Small and white,
And you bite.
Don't wanna scratch, but you make me.

Mean little nits, how you burn and itch,
Burn and itch my nethers.

Pubic Lice,
Pubic Lice.
Do STDs last forever?