MARRIAGE NAT-ISM

To me, Marriage is like Chicken-pox. I'm only getting it once.

Constipation.. a theory that rhymes

As of late, there seems to be an epidemic in this nation;
People in a chronic state of mental aggravation.
They’re flipping out on everyone without any provocation,
And I believe I may have found a common correlation.

Hostility is stemming from a cause I’ve isolated.
These people are all cranky just because they’re constipated.

Yes, I believe the real problem is lack of defecation;
Backed up colon, impacted stool, and poop procrastination.
A problem simply remedied by intestinal hydration
Should not cause the populous such violent irritation.

So get those heads out of those butts, and you’ll be tolerated.
And don’t crap on other people just because you’re Constipated!

Ode to a Wheat-Thin

“Ode to a Wheat Thin”

Oh, little charming wheat thin

you saved me poor little tummy

Because, little crunchy wheat thin

I forgot breakfast, and you're so yummy.

AND little scrumptious wheat thin

someone brought a cheese ball today!

SO my delightful wheat thin

Stomach acid won't eat my gastro-intestinal membrane away!

Know What I Hate? 2008 ... Non-Flushers!

Of course we're all guilty of a time or two, where we've realized that in a rush we've been multitasking in the bathroom (maybe on the phone), and forgotten to take care of that crucial final step. Flushing the toilet. If you are like me, this "fecal" error is something that has NEVER happened outside my own home.

If only this were the case for everyone.. or even the majority. Who HASN'T walked into a public bathroom and slowly opened the door only to find the evidence of someone else's healthy bowels stagnating at the bottom of the toilet? I mean, we're happy for them because they get enough fiber, but PLEASE! Do you have to publicly proove it?? These are the shameless types. They must be destroyed, or take a class on bathroom ettiquette. I think I'll start that class.. Sanitation 101: Where the toilet handle is, and how it works. A Pass or Fail course. But I'm not grading the final!

There are other perpetrators that I don't hold such a strong animosity toward: Those who Flush and Run. Ya gotta admitt, it's not the most disirable thing to have to view the physical evidence of what brought you to the toilet in the first place.. but to spare others viewing it for you, one should always wait around for the followup flush when necessary.

And we can't leave out the final circumstance of flush-deficiency.. The Poop Pulp problem. You know when things just don't properly digest, and you're faced with a problem that is nigh unflushable? The poop pulp. The fibrous floaties that just won't submitt to the poly-flush (may also happen with recycled toilet paper). What can you do? JUST FLUSH AGAIN! It has to succumb eventually. All evidence MUST be destroyed. That boat ain't sailing without pulling the magic lever, sometimes repeatedly with big boats! Exorcise that butt deamon, and send it to a place where it can never return to haunt future bathroom patrons of the world! ... That is all