Kade's 2nd Birthday

Every Single balloon ended up getting trapped
up in the insanely high clubhouse skylight. They
are still there five days later.


Most of Claytons family close by made it, and a
few friends. We had over 20 people show up with
a plethora of food. Despite the lethargic looking adult
party-goers, It was super fantastic!


Clayton.. always pretends to be the party pooper,
Yet the ears suggest he's totally into this one!


Ballshooter (not balls/hooter, ball/shooter!)
gift from mom. He looooves it.


This picture would be more party-esque if you
could see the stupid balloon!


I made that Cake.. Kudos to me! hehe
(but chocolate frosting penetrated the motor
of the toy car.)

"Why"s for the Wise.. the first installment

(For Shelsi)

I often ponder the inconsequencial. Thought I should add this segment to my blog to get my questions out there.. and possibly some of them answered! I will add more installments as my curiousity continuously prowls into those upside down alleys of my mind.

Here is what I have been thinking about lately...


~Why is it that my kid can sleep half the night in his own vomit.. Yet I can’t even sleep if I hear a clock ticking, or if my clothes are twisted at all, or if I feel like my pillow is permanently bending my eyebrow hairs the wrong way?!

~Why do I get self-conscious when I think too much of my socks show under my pants when I sit, but would not be embarrassed to moon 80% of the people I know?

~Why is it more comfortable for me to be around a corpse than any kind of circus-folk? (shudder)

~Why would any company think that when putting clients on hold they will be more patient, and the experience more pleasant, when there is music playing in the background, if the music is PERRY COMO?!

~If toenail clippers were alive, would the clipping part be their mouth? If so… EWW!

~Does Brad Pit’s toilet feel lucky to be in that position? Does it brag to it’s bathroom fixture friends?

~If my brain produced more Serotonin, would I be more outgoing OR would I be happy to be left the hell alone because I wouldn’t need anyone?

~Should we really be threatened by those seemingly perfect magazine cover models/celebrities? Have you ever considered that they may actually grow more hairs on their big toes than you do? I bet they do; no one can have it all.

~If someone KNOWS that they’re stupid… shouldn’t that deem them less stupid than the unaware?

~Most people seem to have those three looming cosmic questions… “Where did I come from? Why am I here? and Where am I going?” .. I think I am pretty confident in the answers to these, but what I’m constantly wondering is how the hell the universe always seems to have an uneven number of socks?!!!!

A Farewell to Foreskin ~hypothetical religious poem

Sometimes it's hard to be a Jew..
Why? you ask,
I will tell you.
They require a procedure called "Circumcision"
so the "one-eyed snake" has better vision?
It's done by a fella called a Moyle
And I hear my unit he will spoil
But since I am a faithful Yid
I'll do what my forefathers did
Farewell, dear Foreskin
I'll miss you
Sometimes it's Hard to be a Jew!

Nat-facts, the sequel

1. When I was a toddler, I actually WAS dropped on my head (so all you who wonder frequently what's wrong with me, there ya go!)
2. I grew up in a mortuary, so if we ever needed extra fridge space for food, there were four coffin sized ones downstairs!
3. Years ago, I named the little toe on my right foot “Howie.” Why? … good question.
4. One of the banes of my existance is the crust that developes on the mustard bottle!
5. When I am nervous or anxious around acquaintances, I will hum quietly and somewhat out of tune. Weird thing is, I do it out of tune because I don't want those that can hear me to think that I am humming to show off any true singing talent. Funny that I worry what other people may think in these types of circumstances.. but not when I open my mouth and spout whatever is on my mind!
6. Sometimes I neglect shaving my legs for longer than I want to admit. I feel like when you’re a mom, you shouldn’t be ashamed until you can tie those hairs in a knot!
7. I enjoy writing. I do not write anything particularly thought provoking, inspiring, or even relevant.. but it is a healthy outlet of humor and cynicism.
8. I wore A LOT of black growing up. Yes, I was a somewhat depressed kid, but it was mainly because it hid the fat rolls better than yellow and purple. I was not considered E-mo, because I was too much of a dork.. and I didn’t write poetry about death and cutting myself J
9. I have to talk myself out of fast food almost daily. It is comforting to me, though it makes me a little ill.
10. If I have a good coupon.. even if it is for something that I never use.. I feel guilty if I don’t buy that thing because it’s such a good deal!
11. I can barely see out of my right eye; and my left is not awesome either, but I have been doing everything possible to avoid glasses or contacts because I’m irresponsible.
12. I don’t think Sushi is actual food. I think it’s bait.
13. I count how many seconds my pee streams last.
14. I won second place in a regional engineering fair once after making a pot that stirred itself.
15. While I am doing my hair, I will have one tiny line of a song or movie repeating in my head over and Over and OVER (ex: “Stellaaaaaaaaaa!” from Seinfeld, or a streetcar named Desire.) I hate it.
16. I am very aware and not too pleased about the ampleness of my bosoms.
17. I think I understand other languages better than I actually do.
18. I break pieces off of bread and squish them into little balls before eating them.
19. I LOVE the smell of fabric softener. It’s more alluring than any cologne, but the men who usually smell like it either still live with their mother, or are gay.
20. I wrap toilet paper around my hand two times and always use the same number of squares.
21. I hate it when people lick their chapped lips while talking, and let the slobber gather In the corners of their mouth.
22. I hope to, one day, get lucky on a sailboat.
23. I have a strong aversion to those kiosk shops in the middle of mall hallways. Especially when the associates touch me, or try to put something on me!
24. Before I was 24, I had never eaten a brussel sprout!
25. My secret wish is to design my own house with a fish tank for one whole wall… and also to become a marketable songwriter. I will likely never have the money or connections to do either!